Water--->Pool---->Swim

Yeah. As you can tell its that time of year. Its time for me to swim. I started on Monday and I almost drowned.  .___.  Oh dear. How fun right? So then on Tuesday I skipped but yesterday I went. It was better though thankfully. I didn't drown but I had to use the swimming board most of the time. The other kids didn't have to...and they are younger than me. Can you believe that? Well thats just a quick blog. Time for me to go. Hehe.

Why do I always go back to him...

I havent blogged in a long time...well school ended and you know that guy I liked? Well I was suppose to tell him at my school's promotion dance but I chickened out. So I tried again on the last week of school same result. Luckily I had summer school with him the next next week and still do. BUT problem was that during that week I didn't see him and my friends. I got time to think. And think. And think. So long story short, I got over him. Now all thats left is my feelings for him as a brother. However theres even a more complicated issue now. So I told all my friends that know that my crush on him is gone. There was one friend that didn't believe it so she insisted that I still tell him even though its gone. Though honestly what's the point of telling him if its gone? Anyways she stopped insisting and let me go. All of my friends are shocked though. They thought it would never end...and it looks like they are right. Turns out I'm not completely over him. I still have some feelings for him...maybe not just some but all...

Anime Expo

OMG! The Anime Expo just came to where I'm living but I couldn't go. :( So I plan to go next year as Amu Hinamori. Problem is I don't know how to do my costume. Buying is expensive. So I'm going to put a costume together. So if anyone has any advie or tips please tell me! :D

Khalia - Roll Up (Female Reply)

Woah! This girl can sing! I <3 the original version of this song but wow. This version(reply) is even better. LOL That's all I really want to say because I'm doing homework >.< Have a huge project in history to do.

Trip or Fall

"Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever."-Unknown

Ain't that just plain true? I'm pretty sure it is even though I still haven't had a boyfriend. Because you know what? A crush, a crush wouldn't last for a year. A crush is where you end up tripping for that person but you can still get up and recover. You can still get over that person. Anything that lasts longer is love. Sure it may not be that final, soulmate, I'm going to marry him love but its still true love. No matter what I think that everyone will have multiple true loves. It could be from a puppy love relationship or from a bittersweet love relationship. It's still love.

It doesn't matter how many times you tell someone even yourself that you're over him/her because there will always be a small part of you, no matter what the size. A small, tiny voice that still says "I love you" to that person. Even if that person hurts you beyond repair and you hate them with a passion, you'll always have that voice that's either whispering or shouting "I love you."

There are people who will say you will fall in and out of love many times until you find the one. And that's true except for falling out. Cause when you fall in LOVE with someone you will fall forever. It doesn't matter if you are apart or if you can never be with each other because if you love  that person you can't undo it. There is no simple "undo" button for love. Or a "rewind" button. Or a "delete" button. Love doesn't work like that. If it did work like that then love wouldn't really be love. How would be able to know if you're with the right person?

Sometimes

Sometimes when all you want to do is cry, the only thing you can do is smile. Everyday I feel like I'm breaking more inside. Everyday I hold back and only tell a person part of my troubles. Even when its my bestest friends, I still stay quiet. In the morning when I'm walking down the halls, I'm thinking to myself and feel like I'm about to burst into tears. My heart can't help but seem heavy like a ton of bricks. When someone I know is walking by and says hi, all I do is put on a fake smile. Act like everything is fine when slowly I'm falling apart inside. It's not always like this but once I'm alone and I truly have time to think I just have the sudden need to cry. Finally at night, when I'm laying in my bed, cuddling with my huge tiger and dog, I let it out. I don't sob. I don't make a sound. I just let it out silently. Wishing that the next day, maybe something wonderfully wonderful would happen.

Pretty Or Unpretty

Ain't this pretty much what goes on in our heads? Well us girls I mean. I wouldn't know what goes on in a boys heads since well  I ain't a boy! But us girls, we're constantly comparing ourselves to others. One moment we'll feel so pretty but the next we'll feel unpretty. Especially if we're trying to impress a guy and he doesn't say a thing. BTW I'm not saying beauty is everything cause it isn't. I'm just telling you the truth of what goes on in SOME girls' heads.

First Thing

First Thing Said: Hi
First Thing Recieved: Love
First Thing Given: Love
First Thing Broken: Heart
First Thing Mended: Trust

Oh Dear Dear Girl

Oh dear dear girl.

Why can't you do any thing right?

You're losing fath in yourself

Hope

And most of all

Trust

What are you to do without those things?

Oh dear dear girl.

How can you survive?

Survive this life you live?

Where everyone is expecting something of you

Where your dreams are just dreams

Where friends' assurance just isn't enough

Oh dear dear girl.

Your life is slowly falling down.

Crumbling down upon you.

All you have is yourself.

You're the only one you can depend on.

You're a lone angel stuck on the ground.

One's who's wings just cant spread and soar.

If They Could Only See

They came to tell your faults to me,
They named them over one by one;
I laughed aloud when they were done,
I knew them all so well before, --
Oh, they were blind, too blind to see
Your faults had made me love you more

That poem is Fault by Sara Teasdale. The message of it is pretty clear. When you like someone that your peers do not personally like, they will tend to ask why you like them. They will point out the person's flaws, trying to convince you that the person is not worth loving. I'm having that happen to me right now even though I'm not yet a grown-adult or had a relationship. Since I like my friend who honestly is really cute and he's really gullible and stuff, my friends(that know) are always like "What do you see in him?" I guess his faults like him being gullible or not being able to say no or his inability to sing actually made me just like him more.

Rude Much?

Ok so this weekend I went to CoffeBean and I did not have a good experience there. So my mother called me into the shop to help carry the drinks in. So I went in and you know how they have a counter where the sugar and etc are? Well my mom put the cups on the counter and was putting in syrup in one of the cups when this guy who worked there probabaly in his 20s or early 30s came to clean up. So he was cleaning the table with a towel and just PUSHED the cups on the floor! And of course I got soaked...well my shoes did and their jean shoes so its bad to get wet. But I'm not ranting about that. What I'm mad at and cried about was that the guy didn't even say sorry. Normally if someone spills something on accident they'd be saying" I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" Well this guy didn't he just left to get a mop and came back. We literally had to ask for an apology. Not to mention when my aunt who was also there asked to speak to the manager the guy just said quote in quote, "He's in the back." You'd think if someone asks that the person would get the manager. I'm definetely not going back to CoffeBean again cause of that guy.

Kiss Me Through a Veil

"A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil."-Victor Hugo

I believe that quote stands true in many relationships. Although I have never had a boyfriend or gone a date or been kissed. I can connect to what Mr.Hugo was talking about. Sometimes you are under circumstances where you cannot fully be with the person due to various things. If you take me for example, I truly can say I love a boy as a brother but like him in a romantic way. However since he is my best friend/non-related brother and I know he likes another girl, the only thing I can do to remotely express my feelings without him knowing is by complimenting him. I'm trapped by that veil and try as I have, it has not yet dispersed. But I will break that veil soon. I can feel it. And then. Then no longer will that compliment be a secret kiss through a veil.

Three Things I Regret

1. Not speaking up to a spoiled, uptight, obnoxious girl in PE
2. Not saying how grateful I was to people.
3. Keeping quiet and not telling my best friend I like him.

April Fools?

Can I say I'm such an idiot? I think so. If you've read my other blog then you know about my crush. For those who don't then let me get u caught up. So I have this enormous crush on my best friend but I'm sure he doesn't like me. Ok. So you see repetively I've had the perfect opportunity to confess to him. Once when he came over to work on a project and we were the only ones in my room cause everyone else left already. Then today I had like four chances too! Especialy since its April Fools. I could've been told him and if he didn't like me back be like "April Fools!" You should've seen me during lunch. My friends found out and tried to get me to do it cause I chickened out so I was like being dragged by them. Then suddenly he ran out of the cafeteria so my friends were gonna chase him. That's when I ran away. Then after school I had the chance cause his locker was near my friend's but I chickened out again! Not to mention my friends keep telling me he likes me and that its so obvious. >.< I'm such a coward arn't I!?

Footprints

Eleanor Rosevelt once said, "Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart." Although much time has past since she first said those words, they still stand true. It doesn't matter how long you might have known the person whether it be 1 year or 8 years. Time is only a number. It doesn't define your friendship with a person. You could be close with a friend of 8 years yet even closer with one of only a year. The time difference is made up with the trust that one builds within the time of knowing the person. I knew a person for only one year but in that one year I grew to know the person so well I could tell her my secrets that I had yet to even tell my friends I've known since 1st grade.

Friendship is truly a unique gift that everyone has. But with that gift, only few do leave footprints in one's heart.

Five Things to with a Friend's Book

1. Sit on it. Trust me their reaction will be hilarious.
2. Hide it from them and once they notice it's missing keep it away from him/her. You should probably have a group of people for this.
3. Go into the opposite gender of your friend's bathroom. So if they are a girl then you have a person take the book into the boy's restroom and just stand in the doorway but out of reach from that friend. The person going into the bathroom should of course be a guy in that case.
4. Have everyone sit on the book XD
5. Open it and pretend to read part of it. Then be like OMG! I can't believe blah blah blah happens.

Thorns of a Flower

Personally I believe girls are like roses.The best ones have thorns that guard their heart and have friends close by to comfort them.  Boys don't wanna reach for the those because they are afraid of getting hurt and reaching into the bundle. Instead they buy fake red roses that aren't as good but easy. So the roses at the heart of the garden think there is something wrong with them when in reality they're just amazing. If they just wait, a boy will come that will pick them over the fake ones. That will take good care of her and love her.

Only a Girl

To him I'm only a girl.
A girl who goes to his school.
To him I'm only a sister.
A sister and nothing more.
To him I'm just another one of his friends.
A friend that will get hyper and crazy and loves her camera.
But to me, he is THE boy.
The boy that makes me laugh to no ends.
To me, he is a brother.
A brother but secretly more.
To me he is the one among my friends.
The one I can spill my heart to and never be judged.
We are so close yet so far away from what might be meant to be.

Alexandra Wallace of UCLA Racist Rant on Asians regarding Tsunami and Ea...

OMG SUCH A A FEMALE DOG! I mean I go to the library and you know what? I see a bunch of NON ASIANS on the phone too! I bet you she does it herself too. What a racist. She gives UCLA a bad name. And I feel sorry for her mom cause obviously her daughter thinks "polite nice American manners" are being racist to one specific culture and not to mention she looks like how should i say um like a slut. Obviously she is not smart enough to know that what she said is the kind of things you KEEP TO YOURSELF! You shouldn't post it online because once it's up and people see it. It will never go AWAY! Not to mention the Japan tsunami thing shows she has no heart. If she was a person who had a family member who was a victim of the tsunami she would be doing what all of the people she is criticizing. If you ask me she sounds like a spoiled brat that's jealous that the parents of those asian kids will do those stuff for their children who can't see that not only does she look like a hooker but that there are things you keep to yourself.

Sorry had to rant a bit there about her. She just really pissed me off with that video. She may regret posting the video and was probably annoyed with the talking in the library but that gives her no excuse to blame it on asians. (Note: I hate cussing but gosh that girl really pushed me to it)

How long is forever?

Have you ever heard of this phrase? "Because in reality, I can't run very fast and you can't wait forever." You probably haven't because it was a quote from a poem a girl posted on the internet. But either way its a good quote. I can personally connect to it and most likely everyone else can too. It's a sad but true thing of love.

Heavy Heart

What is there really to say? My heart feels so heavy with its secrets it must carry. It's to the point that it's about to break. I wish there was someone I could tell. I honestly don't even know it's like this. But I can tell you this I got a hunch it's got to do with HIM. And maybe a few other people but mainly HIM.

It feels like we've become distant in the past month. Maybe it's because I can't tell him I like him. Because of that sacred secret of mine. Normally I'd tell him anything but...but this I just can't. I truly wish I could tell him as my best friend but I can't because it might ruin our friendship. Sometimes I feel so close to crying! All because of this one boy. This one boy I swore I would never like...maybe even love. Yes, love. I said it. It's just this boy has got something special. Maybe it's that he's my best friend or how I can tell him anything or how he makes me laugh so easily and just puts a smile on my face.

Issues of Torn Heart

Do I like him? Yes I like him. No I can't. Maybe I do.
My friends say me and him should be together. But I always said ew!
But have they swayed my mind?
Has what they said made me unsure and have second thoughts?
How can I know my true feelings?
Has what people told me affected my heart?
I have always said he's just my friend my non-related brother but now sometimes I question myself.
He was in my dream.
He asked me to kiss him.
I was nervous. I ran.
He caught me and asked why.
I told I was nervous, scared and let him kiss me.
I know he likes another girl. I can see why he likes her. I mean she's nice, smart, pretty, and many more things I am not.
Am I jealous?
But how can I be if he's just a friend to me?
When I hear Things I'll Never Say I think of him. Heck I hear any love song I think of him!
How I can ever tell him.
He knows I like someone though he is unaware it is him. He even bugged me to the point of promising I'd tell him in June.
Oh how it will make everything akward once he knows.
For him. For me. For my friends.
My friends who know already are teasing me constantly.
Especially one of my friends.
She'll say stuff like "oh what do you see in him" one moment. Then the next she's saying "Omg! Your kids would look so cute! There'll be little ___ & ___ running around!"
I always tease him about him being a girl or gay even if I know he's not. He teases me back of course.
He makes me smile and laugh when he says something perverted and doesn't know it.
When I hear Teardrops on My Guitar i think of how he likes another girl.
And how I'm just a friend.
How she's so much better than me. How I wish it was me.
How once when my friend told me he liked me.
I was smiling.
But then she said he said "wait no eww she's my sister. "
My heart got sad.
Yet still I laugh and smile with him.
So do I like him?
Do I like my best friend basically brother?